Only Half Awake

I’m Stuck. 

I’m moving through life numb. Every day is a checkpoint…

‘I just have to get through today, tomorrow will be better.’

But each day begins and ends, and I haven’t moved. I’ve gone nowhere. I’m immobile. 

Today, I sat on my bedroom floor, in silence, and stared at the tile, and I swore that I would cry. My stomach dropped, my breath fluttered, but no tears came. 

Why? Why can’t I cry? 

I don’t feel anymore. I just know how I’m supposed to feel, so, I act how I’m supposed to act. Inside is nothing, it’s empty.

My heart is tied up in knots. My blood doesn’t flow right. I feel anemic 

I can’t think straight. 

What do these words even mean? What do I want them to mean? Why am I writing them? What is the truth? What is my truth? Why am I stuck? Why can’t I move? When will I be free? When will I feel like myself? Who am I? 

Why can’t I cry? 

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